we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
