Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
