why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
