i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
