I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
