tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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