Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
