I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
