I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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