Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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