just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
