I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
