this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
