they need to just BURY HIM!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
