My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
