Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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