My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
