I'm gonna have a badass scar
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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