Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
