Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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