i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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