I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
