i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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