yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
