Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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