Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
