You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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