I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
