WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
