do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
