I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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