I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i will never coherently bang her
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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