So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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