I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
