i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
