I wish I only lived at night.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
