They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
