I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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