she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize