Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
