I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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