Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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