My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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