chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
