they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
