also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
