I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
