In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
