Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
