Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
