oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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