my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
