Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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