Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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