wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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