he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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