I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
