You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
