So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
